is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
