Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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