I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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