it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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