i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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