Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
