I hate all girls vehemently.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
