sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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