I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
