Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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