I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
