whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
