I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
