Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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