Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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