don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
