We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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