9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
