we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
