just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
