By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
