He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's blow job season.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
