You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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