When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
