Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
