i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
