Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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