Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
