i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I will pee on everything he values.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
