I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize