If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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