i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
