i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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