Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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