he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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