I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
