I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I came so hard my ears popped.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
