Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
