So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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