glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
