this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
