what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Four minutes until I can fart!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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