i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
