Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
