so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
