8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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