that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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