I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
