If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
