Cold hands, warm shart.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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