Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
