Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
