thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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