She's JV to your varsity
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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