If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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