Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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