At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
