a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
