What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
