Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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