1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize