She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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