proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The Olympian is in my bed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
