i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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