my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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