Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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