My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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