did you get engaged???
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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