Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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