Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
a search helicopter?!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
