This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
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