it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
