Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
