Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
