You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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