My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
