Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He keeps bees of course he's weird
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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