I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize