turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
