once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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