I showed him my bush... on skype.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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