To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
