maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he puts the penis in happiness.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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