I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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